What are basic steps to become a writer?

Step one: Decide that you're going to write a story. Step two: Decide that it's going to be brilliant. Imagine the response of your (teacher, classmates, reading group and agent) and how it will completely change the way they look at you. Step three: Open up Microsoft Word. Step four: Stare at the blank white screen stretching on into infinity until your eyes begin to burn and your brain hurts from the sheer emptiness of it all. Step five: Check your e-mail. If writing a novel, research for a couple of hours. Step six: Stare at the blank Word document again. Step seven: Realize you need music. Spend the next hour finding the perfect mood music for what you want to write. Step eight: Inspired by (insert perfect music here), click back over to the Word document. Step nine: Change Facebook status to (your name here) is writing. Sign up for an account on Twitter and spend the next two hours figuring out how it works. Step ten: Stare at blank Word document. Decide you need a title. Brainstorm for the next hour. Step eleven: Come up with a genius title. Proudly type The Scent of Green Papayas at the top of the document, followed by your name. Happily, consider how easily a story will come now that you have such an amazing and literary title. Step twelve: Take a four-hour break for snacks and naptime. Step thirteen: Refreshed, sit down and toy around with pen names for a while. Step fourteen: Realize to your horror that your genius title is actually the name of a Vietnamese foreign film you saw seven years ago. Step fifteen: Erase the title, pressing backspace much harder than necessary. Step sixteen: Stare at the blank Word document until your eyes bleed.

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